My grandma

She was here today.
I stopped being with family about 2-3 years ago, but I see her every now and then. We used to be much closer before, that's another thing my anxiety has messed up.

I was in the kitchen making food like I do when we're gonna have visitors.
That way I don't have to be hungry while I hide away from people. Yeah, that's what I do.
She came earlier than I expected, I thought I still had a few minutes.
All of a sudden the doorbell rings. She's here.
I start to get stressed, but I've learned to calm myself down. I don't panic.
Instead I keep washing the pan. She says hello to everybody and she comes into the kitchen.
I look at her for half a second before I hurry over to her and hug her.
We just stand there and hug each other. When we let go, I see the tears in her eyes.
I feel so bad for her. It was so amazing to finally be able to hug her.
I wanted to be there for her, losing her dog Pia was really hard for her.
And for everybody else. Pia was part of our family.
I really miss my grandma. I know she misses me too. It's not easy having anxiety. It affects a lot of people when you are as isolated, nervous of seeing people and have as little self esteem as I do.
My grandma means so much to me.
When I was younger, going to visit grandma at her house was the best thing in the world.
She was the person I wanted to be.
I always told my mom "Mommy, when I'm the same age as grandma, I wanna be just like her!"
I wanted to have nice purses like her, with lipsticks, car keys and creditcards in them.
I wanted to wear high heels and pretty coats like her.
I love all her how she has many different scarves in different colors.
She has pretty, sparkly brooches that she puts on her coats and sweaters.
Her perfumes smell great.

I wanna be just like her one day.
My grandma is a wonderful woman that I admire very, very much.


-LM

Living an isolated life in a bubble

First i just wanna say that my grandma's dog Pia died one week ago. 
It was a total shock to me and my family. 
Pia was a beautiful Leonberger, and she was loved by everybody in the family. 

Rest in peace, beautiful dog. 
You'll forever be missed, and I'll never forget you.

Hello again

Hello!
I haven't blogged in a long time.
I guess my life's been busier than usual these past months.
Things like school, getting out of the house more often, working out, walking my dog, relaxing and everyday life got in the way of blogging.
Since i last blogged i have started taking medication for anxiety.
I will do a post about that in a few days, or maybe as soon as tomorrow.

One of my passions are colors.
I never knew what my interests were, and after I got the AS diagnose 1 1/2 years ago,
I really started to wonder if I even had any
special interests like aspies are "supposed" to have.
I don't study history for hours, obsess over Batman comics or play soccer every day.
I don't have one interest that takes up all my time, but I have many interests and passions.

For example, I didn't see that my interest in colors was kind of a special interest. 
I love colors: Makeup, interior, nature, clothes.. I just think that colors are beautiful.
I love to experiment with colors to find beautiful color palettes.

When i was little and up to the age of about 10, i hated pink. I just thought it was too girly and.. pink! But then i started to really like very light and pale pink. It didn't look too girly or bright, and i thought it was a beautiful color; one of my favorites. As I grew older, i grew to like pink. But one of my favorite pinks is still the same color that made me like pink in the first place.

Below are some pictures I found on Google. Most of them are of cherry trees.
Cherry blossoms are my favorite flowers/blossoms.

 

 

  

I love the contrast of bare trees in front of sunsets.

-LM

Alone or Not

As most aspies, i enjoy my alone time. I actually prefer to do most things alone.

I have 3 siblings (2 loud little brothers, and my sister who's almost 17).

Some of the things i like to do alone:

I eat alone 'cause i want to eat in peace and quiet. I can't eat when i'm feeling stressed.

I watch my favorite TV shows alone, so i'm not distracted by sounds and movements. 

I make sure that i don't wake up at the same time as the rest of my family on the weekends. That way i can be alone in the kitchen while i make breakfast. 

I hate when there's too much going on when i've just got out of bed.

But even though i like to be alone, and that i would be exhausted if 

i had to  be around people for a whole day - I DO LIKE PEOPLE. 

I don't have anything against other people, i just  simply need time to myself to relax and do the things that i like - i need my space.

Two of the things i like to do with other people:

I love to go for walks with my mom and my little maltipoo.

We go to different places. 

If there's something on my mind or 

something i wanna talk about, i can talk to her in the car 

+ when we walk.

Our walks is something i really like. 

Getting lots of fresh air and being active, 

while we talk about things. 

Being outside really lightens my mood and relaxes me afterwards.

Me and my sister go to the movies together once a month. 

It's something i really look forward to. We are good friends, 

and i'm really lucky to have a sister who's only one year younger than me. 

We have so much respect and love for each other, 

we'll probably be best friends for the rest of our lives.

-LM